The Peacock Feather

Last summer when Adam and I were dating, I came home from work one night with 2 peacock feathers. I gave Adam one and kept one for myself. We both kept them in our bedrooms. Come September, I started freaking myself out-about dating, marriage, commitment, etc. I always thought about my future with Adam and just planned on marrying him--but the idea scared the heebie jeebies out of me, and I started thinking to myself, "Is this really it? Is HE really it?" He is so wonderful, and there is nothing more I want in a guy, but I have NEVER really dated someone this serious in my life, so what do I have to compare this all too??? I started having anxiety attacks and wasn't getting any answers to my what now seem like ridiculous (and hilarious) prayers. When I was with Adam it just felt right, and when I wasn't with him, I wanted to be with him--so what was my DEAL? I was just scared of the doubts I was having. So, I couldn't handle it anymore and I marched over to his house one night, sat by his bed and broke up with him. While I was doing this I thought he looked so cute sitting there on the bed. I started balling. I prolly sounded so stupid, because I had no reason for what I was doing. I thought if I did this, I would walk away feeling SO much better--like I did the right thing. Well, as I was sitting there doing the ugly cry and blurting nonsene, he was trying so hard to be understanding. Finally, as I stood up, he said it-(and not very nice), "Take your peacock feather". "What?!" I said, "You don't want it???" (Duh Erin...why would he want it). He just shook his head "No". So I grab the long feather from his dresser and as dramatic as possible, I dragged it out behind me. HA! I then get in my car and that's when all Hell Breaks Lose. I lose it. I Start crying uncontrollably. I look at the peacock feather and cry harder. I start driving, but have to pull over because I can't see a thing. I call my mom and the conversation went something like this:

Mom: "Hello?"

Me: "MMoooom?? EEAHH I BRrroke Addam eeaaauhhh....he told me...my peacock feather...aaeehhh!! feele so baad ...aahuhuh.."

Mom: "Whhhaaaa??? Oh Erin, Well what did you expect?!!"

p.s. let me just tell you, my Mom was on Adams side the whole time.

Well the next 2 days were the worst days of my life and I stared--literally stared at my phone just hoping he would call me. I guess I was too scared to call him in fear that he would have already been over me.

Then he called. The heavens opened and I ran to him and fell on my knees and kissed his feet. OK, maybe not. But i've been madly in love ever since.

Why am I so stupid and why am I such a girl? I still have both peacock feathers, but one is bent, wilted, and only has about 4 strands left on it. I think that's the one I dragged out of his room that night....