Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Peacock Feather

Last summer when Adam and I were dating, I came home from work one night with 2 peacock feathers. I gave Adam one and kept one for myself. We both kept them in our bedrooms. Come September, I started freaking myself out-about dating, marriage, commitment, etc. I always thought about my future with Adam and just planned on marrying him--but the idea scared the heebie jeebies out of me, and I started thinking to myself, "Is this really it? Is HE really it?" He is so wonderful, and there is nothing more I want in a guy, but I have NEVER really dated someone this serious in my life, so what do I have to compare this all too??? I started having anxiety attacks and wasn't getting any answers to my what now seem like ridiculous (and hilarious) prayers. When I was with Adam it just felt right, and when I wasn't with him, I wanted to be with him--so what was my DEAL? I was just scared of the doubts I was having. So, I couldn't handle it anymore and I marched over to his house one night, sat by his bed and broke up with him. While I was doing this I thought he looked so cute sitting there on the bed. I started balling. I prolly sounded so stupid, because I had no reason for what I was doing. I thought if I did this, I would walk away feeling SO much better--like I did the right thing. Well, as I was sitting there doing the ugly cry and blurting nonsene, he was trying so hard to be understanding. Finally, as I stood up, he said it-(and not very nice), "Take your peacock feather". "What?!" I said, "You don't want it???" (Duh Erin...why would he want it). He just shook his head "No". So I grab the long feather from his dresser and as dramatic as possible, I dragged it out behind me. HA! I then get in my car and that's when all Hell Breaks Lose. I lose it. I Start crying uncontrollably. I look at the peacock feather and cry harder. I start driving, but have to pull over because I can't see a thing. I call my mom and the conversation went something like this:
Mom: "Hello?"
Me: "MMoooom?? EEAHH I BRrroke Addam eeaaauhhh....he told peacock feather...aaeehhh!! feele so baad ...aahuhuh.."
Mom: "Whhhaaaa??? Oh Erin, Well what did you expect?!!"
p.s. let me just tell you, my Mom was on Adams side the whole time.

Well the next 2 days were the worst days of my life and I stared--literally stared at my phone just hoping he would call me. I guess I was too scared to call him in fear that he would have already been over me.
Then he called. The heavens opened and I ran to him and fell on my knees and kissed his feet. OK, maybe not. But i've been madly in love ever since.
Why am I so stupid and why am I such a girl? I still have both peacock feathers, but one is bent, wilted, and only has about 4 strands left on it. I think that's the one I dragged out of his room that night....


kaci said...

I did the same thing--minus the feathers--when Brian and I were dating. Girls just need to be girls!

becky and lance said...

haha this is so funny, i literally am crying. SO funny!

scott and lindsey said...

OMG! this cracks me up! I can see you being "so dramatic" and walking away. That's one good story..I think you should keep both feathers.. there will be other times when you feel like you only have 4 strands left, but somehow you drag it out and its still holding together.